The suicide note…

Monsoon is here and the earth is green again, but what these rains can not wipe away are the tears of that barren portion of heart and an old piece of rugged paper shouting aloud –  ‘The Suicide Note’

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I feel the soil look up at me and smile as I walk through my farms.. The gush of the winds passes over my crops, the sound of the breeze tranquilizes every pain and fear.. and in my every breath, I soaked the nature entirely;  its colors, its smell and its beauty. The rains, have finally blessed the land.
I love this land and this work, thinking this is exactly how my father would feel working on this farm. He loved this land from his childhood till the very day when all we had of him was his dead body and a piece of paper which read …..

10th March, 2016

Namaskar!
I know when you will be reading this letter you will be in tears and dismay, I apologize, but happiness is anyways unknown to us now!  These droughts took away the smiles from our faces long back. And, its been quite long since we’ve been fighting this battle and  I give up now.
I give up not because of the thirst, I give up not because of my sufferings, I give up because I lost…The land which fed us for years, the land I loved and worshiped, I saw her dying everyday. The soothing love she gave through the breeze which passed over her crops, I could not give her the love back. The cracks on her are unbearable, it brought sorrows and tears, but i couldn’t do anything to help her back. I failed!
I failed, because I couldn’t keep my promises; I had dreams to see my children become scholars, I wanted to give their mother all the happiness of the world. how poor of me who couldn’t give them anything but pain and grief. I was helpless.
Bank’s  loan of Rs.500/- now seemed impossible to pay back. It grew bigger then the mountains, I couldn’t take that weight.
The suffocation by just the thought of absence of water haunted me every day and night
Getting up to realize there wont be water even today, and with it the burden of promises and responsibility, It weakened me.
Water,The fluid which is life, and such disgrace I cant have water, I cant have life !
forgive me if possible!

 

The shadow I get under this tree is surely less than what a father’s presence can give.. but I’ve grown strong under this shadow alone, this land has not just been a mother but also a father to me ! hope this shadow remains !! 

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